"Naturally we are inclined to be so mathematical and calculating that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing....Certainty is the mark of a common sense life; gracious uncertainty is the mark of a spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all of our ways, we don't know what a day may bring forth. This is generally said with a sigh of sadness; it should rather be an expression of breathless expectation" ( My Utmost for His Highest)
The trail has become monotonous... root.... Rock.... Rock.... Rock... rock... trees....ticks....rock....root.....lather, rinse, and repeat. I guess it has been this way since "Peak Axe" ended back in Harpers Ferry and "Rocko" went off trail for a couple of weeks to fill in temporarily for her old job. So my days have been filled with walking between 20-30 miles a day with nothing but me and my mind. I don't know if you have ever been in a situation where there is nothing to distract you from your own mind but now being over 100 days into the expedition I am pretty sure I am on my way to insanity. Ok... not really but I tell you what.... It would be nice just to not think for just one hour. I told my Father last night that I need a vacation from my mind! With all of that said I have to say that I believe that help is on the way.. in about 2 hours I have some friends from Indianapolis that are going to pick me up from Delaware Water Gap, PA. and take me to a hotel for hopefully some mindless activities.... Like TV, movies, and if I am lucky a hot tub for my body (which by the way has filed for a divorce from me) Then I actually have a friend who is going to be joining me for some time in Philly with other friends and then the Appalachian Trail. This should throw a wrench in the monotony funk I have been in for the states of Maryland and Pennsylvania! I have high hopes for New Jersey!
I had a friend call me this past week and he asked me how I was doing... I said ..."it depends" he knew exactly what I meant. Then he said..."ok..."physically" I explained that I feel like a machine when it comes to walking... I could be rocking about 30 miles a day consecutively and feel relatively good. Then he asked how about emotionally and spiritually? Well... This is where the quote comes in. There is something magnetic about this idea of life being planned, mathematical, formulated, predictable, and explainable. I have been married to this "explainable life" since I could remember... but now... nothing is mathematical, nothing is formulated, and nothing is predictable other than unpredictability. Sure... there is a plan for this expedition but it is a tentative one and I have no clue how the plan is going to pan out... .there are too many ? marks floating around for my liking... or at least for what I am used to. I just got done reading a book that said "This control that we so desperately crave is an illusion and that the only way to live an adventure with all its danger and unpredictability and immensely high stakes is an ongoing relationship with God" I am not even sure how to do that ..... I know how to say it... that is easy... but talk is cheap... I am convinced that time will answer the questions I have... it has in the past... and when I get the answers to the questions I have now I am sure that life will propose new ones. Life is a dance and I don't feel like I am leading and my feet are getting stepped on! "Life to the Fullest" Daren "Vagabond"